Guest writer Marisol talks about how she made a life changing decision to quit her job to spend some time deciding what makes her truly happy.
Tuesday July 11th, it started out like any other day. I woke up dragging my feet, not looking forward to the day ahead at work. Thinking of showering, dressing and driving into the same routine that I have been doing for years seemed to be more challenging than most days.
When I got to work I felt something was different about this day – this day could possibly be the day where I take the leap of faith and start living my life for the dreams that I have been having for years.
Before I continue I should mention that my boss and I had a very difficult working relationship . Over the 4 years of working for him I felt under-appreciated every day, and realistically I knew my career would never advance under his leadership. That being said I stayed due to the comfort of having a paycheck and fear of starting my career over. You see I am 35 years old and felt I “was too old” to start over. I also have a standard of living which requires a salary level that I felt would be hard to find once again.
As I arrived at work and signed in I felt as I did everyday; bored, not challenged and just going through the motions to make sure I would receive my paycheck the following Friday. I had a meeting scheduled with my boss regarding a subject that neither of us ever looked forward to discussing. As I walked into his office I felt the air shift and felt his attitude changing as our conversation started. Our meeting lasted about 20 minutes and as I walked out of his office I knew my day would be like every other day, just another day that I went through, looking forward to the end of play where I could walk out and put the day behind me. In that moment as I reflected on our conversation I knew something needed to change. I knew my life needed a boost of energy and dreaming that I had been lacking for years.
I searched my word documents for a resignation letter that I had drafted for 2 years prior and decided that it was time to walk away. As I presented the letter to my boss his face spoke volumes and I felt such peace as I picked up my things and went to the car for what I knew would be the last drive home. I felt happiness and a huge sense of relief.
The days following this bold action were filled with anxiety, regret, fear and finally some happiness. I have plenty of financial responsibilities that hang over my head and make me feel that the future is more challenging than I would want it to be, however I am thankful for my family, friends and courage to change my life.
As I return from a vacation that had been previously planned I know that I want more out of my life and this bold action weeks before only validates the next action that I am looking to make. You only live once, only you have the power and control to make yourself happy. Don’t look back and don’t overthink it. Reach for your dreams; do the unexpected and live for you. If you have judgment from family and friends make sure you believe in yourself and have a plan to make your dreams come true.
I have been dreaming of making a change for years and never really moved forward with it due to a fear that I would fail or not be able to sustain the life that I have grown accustomed to, but almost 3 months later I can say leaving my robotic life behind was the best decision I ever made. I live my days with thanks and fulfillment and of excitement about what the future could hold.
As I continued to enjoy the days of having no responsibility and really reflecting on what had just happened I started to plan and think about the next steps. I looked back to 2 years earlier when I wanted to really follow my heart and move to London. I must admit I was afraid of what making such a drastic change would mean for me so I never followed through with it. I now find myself at a different stage and with a new found courage to really go for it. I have a life here in Miami that many would be content with; one with many life-long friends and my close family, however I find myself experiencing loneliness and longing for a group of friends to belong to that share my current interests and goals.
With that being said I have decided to part ways with my first great accomplishment, my house. You see I purchased this house 5 years ago; I set this goal early in my 20’s and was so proud when I purchased the house of my dreams, but I find myself currently at a new stage, with new goals. Selling the house will give me the ability to really live my life, providing me with a good financial cushion; not to say that I won’t be sad to leave it behind, but when I purchased my house I had a goal of building a home and a life with someone here.
Unfortunately that has not happened and therefore I must say goodbye to one chapter and look to the future. To a certain degree I have deprived myself of all that life has to offer. I have held back and really been “too” responsible, always thinking about tomorrow and not living today. But I now feel I have been able to be honest with myself. I want and deserve more. You see a job does not define you; your friends, your home, yes that contributes to your personality, but what you set your mind to and how you decide to act and take on each day is what really makes you the person you see in the mirror. Not to say there will not be sad days, regretful days and fearful days but if I don’t try I’ll never be able to really go after that feeling when I resigned from work – the feeling of wanting more moments, more memories that I can look back on and be proud of.
So you see in conclusion, I am not too old. I am not fearful. I am looking forward to my new best version of myself that has been waiting to shine for years. I will go after my dreams, no matter how long that takes, no matter who I leave behind because in the end I’m the only one who can control my happiness.
Words by Marisol Espinosa.
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